Hello lovely!

I went no contact with my parents several years ago.

It’s been truly a wonderful choice for my mental health with zero drama. I’m not being sarcastic; it genuinely was the right choice for me and my life.

Then last year my sister and her husband announced she was pregnant with the first grandchild on our side of the family.

She decided to have a baby shower and invited BOTH me and our mother.

It forced a choice of what do I want more:

To celebrate my sister and my upcoming nibling’s birth?

Or

To not be in the same room as my estranged mother?

Ugh. 

I decided to attend the baby shower…

With a boundary plan! There were four parts.

Part One. I confirmed with my sister who else I knew that would be there and I reached out to ask if I could sit with them? They said yes!

Part Two. My sweet husband drove me to the event, dropped me off, and then picked me up for the drive home so I immediately had a safe person to emotionally regulate with afterwards.

I also knew he was just hanging out in the area for those two hours so if I needed to text him to come get me early, I had an easy escape.

Part Three. I planned what I would say if my mother asked me questions about my life, my work as a boundary coach, my book, my wedding she wasn’t invited to, or just “wanted to talk”?

Part Four. I dressed in cute, comfortable clothing and shoes because I find it easier to stay calm when I’m physically at ease.

It was three-ish hours of prep work to get ready between confirming who I could sit with, planning my outfit, and writing out what I would say if asked?

I’m not counting all the time I spent talking through my complicated feelings about attending the event with my spouse, best friend, and therapist.

But I was FULLY PREPARED. 

Then the day of the baby shower arrived. 

It was a beautiful giraffe-themed celebration of my sister and her baby. 

Immediately after walking in, I saw my mom and we made eye contact.

My mother said, “Hello.” 

I said, “Hello.” 

And that was it! Besides that brief greeting, she didn’t talk to or acknowledge me at all throughout the party.

I was over-prepared for an anticlimactic interaction.

WHICH IS A WIN!

I’d rather have made a big plan and it not be needed than needed a plan I didn’t have prepared.

Attending the baby shower was the right choice for me and I’m glad I was there to celebrate my sister and her baby.

If you have family you’re going to see soon for the holidays and need help making a boundary plan for yourself, I’m here for you.

A one-to-one coaching session with me is currently $250 USD.

I also offer custom boundary scripts via email for $30-50 USD.

You can have a well-boundaried holiday season.

Let’s make a plan together!

Warmly,